Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
