you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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