Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
high people should be assigned attendants
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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