So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
