Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
