did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize