The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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