Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
