Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
