____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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