DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
