Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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