Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
