I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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