I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
