Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
