Screwed.edu
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
