I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
