Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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