i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you still have your period?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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