I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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