My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
