I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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