We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
