he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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