Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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