She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize