why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
