he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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