Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
