Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had to cum in my sink.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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