I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
