you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize