I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
