i think my mom watched the whole time
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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