big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
