both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
