and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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