awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
