yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
