i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
