Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
