so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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