two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
