I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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