I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
