so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
