I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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