and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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