Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize