Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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