New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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