Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't deserve a penis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
