we have pet lesbian snakes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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