I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize