I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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