The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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