lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
