hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
