the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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