you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
