im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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