And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
