His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
