She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want her autograph on my taint
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
