Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
