Im at strip club and am horny
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize