omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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