I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
