If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
