Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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