Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
