he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
