I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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