You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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